The Myth of Commitment:

What Loyalty Is Costing You.

Jul 25, 2025

“The biggest commitment you must keep is your commitment to yourself.” — Neale Donald Walsch

For centuries, commitment has been revered. It’s described as the glue of relationships, the backbone of character, the moral compass of integrity.

But not all commitments are chosen. Some are inherited, and others are imposed by family, society, or our younger selves. We’re taught to stick with it. To stay loyal. Follow through. Be the person who doesn’t quit, because commitment equals strength, maturity, and virtue.

And sometimes, it does—but not always.

Commitment without alignment becomes a sacrifice, and sometimes it becomes a performance. When the reasons for staying have expired, clinging on isn’t noble. It’s self-abandonment.

The Question That Changes Everything

“Does this commitment still serve me?”

Our values shift. Life expands. We all made commitments before we had the experience to question them, or before we truly understood which values were our own.

We can appreciate what that commitment gave us, and still walk away. Leaving doesn’t make those past values, great memories, and lessons less valid.

What Commitment Looks Like to Me

A friend, worn down by a commitment that was draining her of joy, asked me,
“Blue, how do you feel about commitments?”

I paused.

My marriage had ended after five years.
I became a single mother of two toddlers.
I’ve had seven different careers.
I’ve moved more times than I can count.

Each time, something vital had faded — purpose, growth, or meaning, and I knew it was time to move. The learning had stopped, and so had the growth. Sometimes I had a plan. Often, I didn’t. But always, I was ready for something new.

Finally, I told her, “I’ve come to believe some commitments are destined to end.” She raised an eyebrow. I shrugged. “Not because I give up,” I explained, “but because I’m growing.”

What remains constant for me, I realized as I reflected on our discussion, are my values: kindness, learning, teaching, and contributing. But how I choose to live with those values evolves, as I do.

When It’s Time to Shift

Sometimes commitment means walking away. Sometimes it means a pivot. Sometimes it’s as simple as asking, “What fits now?”

We don’t owe our past a lifetime. We owe our present a chance.

That sense of misalignment often arrives quietly. We might hear it in the pause before saying “I’m fine.” We might feel it as fatigue, resentment, or a creative dry spell. That ache? It’s not failure. It’s wisdom.

A New Kind of Commitment

We’re taught that commitment means staying. But maybe it means staying aligned with our values, rather than getting stuck.

Letting go isn’t betrayal. It’s truth-telling:

To the self who is evolving.
To the values we live by now.
To the version of ourselves that deserves to be honored, not sidelined.

And that clarity often begins with the same essential question:

“Does this commitment still serve me?”

How to Leave Without Guilt

Not every ending needs conflict. Sometimes it’s just a matter of understanding that, “This is no longer me.” And sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is let go, without apology.

We’re not abandoning our past. We’re learning from it, honoring it. Then, we can step into a new future, a future aligned with our present selves. We can leave that commitment behind and go forward with curiosity in one hand and courage in the other.

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